Wednesday, August 31, 2011


I am happy tonight. I love knowing what I need to do. It is just nice to not worry about decisions. I also realized how good 100grand candy bars are. I have a new love. Luckily there are no more in the house (yes, I ate all of them tonight) so I can't continue to binge. Hmmm...though I am pregnant, if I gained a pound or two from candy no one would know for another four months :) Maybe I'll stop on the way home from work and continue to foster this new found love.

I think I will be tired tomorrow at work.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Que sera sera

I learned a lot from my mom over the years, one being how to plan a weekly menu. Watching my mom create a menu then a grocery list for 18 years has rubbed off on me and now I don't go into a store without one. This I have learned has saved me from gaining unwanted pounds. If it is not on the list, I don't buy it; and unfortuately, I never put nutty buddy bars on my list.

But, this list does not solve all my problems. I find that a grocery store (or Wal Mart where I do most my food shopping) is one of the most aggervating places in the world. I always start with the paper goods (it is near the always needed diapers and formula). I walk down the isle with paper towels and am bombarded with choices. Do I want cloth-like, quillited, large squares or make my own size squares? Do I want a print and what color and kind of print do I want? These decisions only worsen as I walk through the T.P. section. Do I want double-ply or single (I always want double)? Now at this point I have not quite recovered from the paper towels and I try to make the most economical decision, as it makes no sense to spend tons of money on something you will flush down the toilette (literally). So I grab what, after 5 minutes of price comparison, brand comparison, and quality comparison, I think will be the best; only to find out when I get home I grabbed the singe-ply!

Now the aggervation only increases from there as you move into the food section. Mac-and-cheese is no longer just mac-and-cheese there are the shells, the spiral, the Sponge Bob or Scoobie Doo, the double cheese, triple cheese, the white cheese, and the cheesiest mac-and-cheese ever! I'll spare the rest of the aggervations because just thinking about the peanut butter section (which is the last section) about sends me into hysteria.

So, despite all my planning, it sometimes seems all for naught becuase I walk away with the sugar-free ice cream and not the Chunky Monkey ice cream that it will take to calm my nerves!It would be nice if I walked into Wal Mart with my list and exactly what I wanted and someone would tell me what would be best. No debate, no questions, just simply this is what is best for you.

At this point your wondering why the rant about grocery shopping! Its simply life has too many options. I really want to tell someone what I want and they tell me exactly how to get it. Instead I am left wandering around, comparing options and choices, hoping to pick the best one. Problem is, if I choose wrong with life it's not just a month of bad toilette paper or six months of disgusting sugar/fat free peanut butter that eventually gets thrown out (with a little guilt). But instead, it could impact my family for years. I guess, I am just a little overwhelmed with the decisions Tyler and I have to make now. I hope that with a lot of thought, prayers, and faith that we'll choose right.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Rolling Around on the Floor

I was having a rough day today. The stress of a new school year partly, but mostly the seperation of my family. It is unbelievably hard to find motivation without getting to see my kids and Tyler each day. Even though I know I am here for them, it doesn't make it enjoyable at all.

Anyways, it was one of those PPM (poor-pittiful-me) days as my mom would call them. But it is amazing how much better I feel after watching my kids play on the floor just before bed. Maddie spinning and Topher doing summer-saults across the floor. They were so darn cute I couldn't help but laughing. Made me feel a thousand times better. And, even though I know none of my worries are gone, just watching them enjoy time together got rid of those PPMs.

Thank goodness for Skype and phones that can send pics., it makes seperation from family so much more bearable.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Dream Within a Dream

A Dream Within a Dream
Edgar Allan Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if Hope has flown away
In night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
On a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand -
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep - while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

My dad showed me this poem after we watched Inception. While I think the first stanza of this poem follows much more closely the theme of the movie (saying goodbye to a lover and how time spent with this person has been like a dream and how all life is like a dream) it is the second stanza that I love.

The grains of sand he is hold are like the past: things that we wish to hold on to forever but unfortunately cannot. Life is like this dream, we have experiences, that like the sand fall away from us, and we can never get them back. They vanish, just like the dreams we dream at night. And, in the morning all we are left with are the memories.

It is that thought that makes me think of so many good moments in my life. Life is full of those moments, those experiences, that you wish you could make last forever, yet can't. I want to experience as many of those moments as possible, those moments you don't want to let go of. And, though the dream ends, at least we are left with that wonderful memory.

I am lucky to have had so many already. I won't go back as far as childhood, though I must say my parents did a wonderful job of creating those moments that you just wish you could hold on to forever (the beach, soccer, forced-family-fun time...). Yet, I will look back over the past six years and remember those moments that seemed like the perfect dream.

The way I felt the day I married Tyler. It is amazing how little of the day I remember but how much I recall how I felt. I had never been happier (my jaw ached from smiling too much).

A day trip to Jackson Hole before Topher was born. It was an unplanned excursion but a lot of fun to drive up there with our friends and enjoy the day together. It was freezing cold (I think it was January in Wyoming...) and I got a cup of hot chocolate. Tyler got a cup of ice cream! He did say it was good but I had to share my drink with him.

The first time I saw little Topher. I can't say I want the experience of labor to last forever, but the experience you have after seeing your child for the first time is a moment that I wish I could have everyday. Looking at them and meeting them, discovering yourself in that little person is so fun. I was amazed Topher had any hair; I was expecting a bald baby. I couldn't stop playing with his soft blond hair all night. I was so amazed I held him all night, marveling that this beautiful boy was ours.

The amazement and pleasure of how many people came to Idaho to greet that little boy. Tyler's mother woke early that morning and drove up to see him (and us). Chris who suprised us later that day. My mother who flew across country to be with Topher (and us). And all of the extended family who came for the blessing of that little boy. No moment is worth holding onto without family being there, and we were so blessed to have so many people share that experience with us.

The moment Tyler accepted NCSU graduate school.

The moment I got my first job.

The spur of the moment decision to drive up the East coast to Maine to visit Tyler's family. Topher got to know his Thompson family and dub Pat "Blue Ice Cream Grandma" after she took him to Cold Stones.

The moment I discovered we were expecting again! We were eating pizza, picnic style in our living room when I shared with Tyler our news. The excitement I saw in his eyes when I got to tell him he would be a dad again was something I wish I could see everyday!

Madelyn Mae's birth and the love of family we experienced again. Though I was suprised when I had a chubby little brunette. I loved rubbing those soft cheeks our first night together. I don't believe I slept. My mom always said she would take advantage of someone else having the baby while in the hospital, I guess I am not that smart, becuase I really can't put down those sweet little bodies.

Tyler's graduation.

The trip out west and seeing Topher and Maddie play with their cousins.

Peter's wedding, but mostly the day before (no offense little bro) and the day where my family, that is all going different directions, enjoyed the day in eachother's company.

Finally believing (3 months in) that I am expecting again and enjoying the idea of meeting a new little person and welcoming them to our family.

There are thousands more moments that I wish I could relive, but while I'll never get to, I am so glad that I have been able to create those memories. Unlike Poe, I don't believe it is sad, if I can fill my life with moments that are worth holding on to, my life was dreamlike.

P.S. Tyler's "main goal for year 7 (of our marriage) is to find the last horcruxes so we can defeat Lord Voldemort once and for all." Wish us good luck as we are of to vanquish evil this year!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Six Years

Today Tyler and I celebrate six years of marriage. However, Tyler is currently residing in New Mexico and I in North Carolina. Thus, I have decided to spend my evening kick starting this blog.Since I can't spend my day/evening reminesing over the past six years with Tyler, I will do it here.

After a BYU-I ward co-ed rec soccer team I invited an apt of boys from the team over. As introductions were made, one kid stood out to me, Tyler. He was funny but a little strange. But, seeing as you know the end of the story it is needless to say Tyler and I started to hang out more frequently and our relationship evolved quickly (a few days) from friends to a couple.

As our relationship was developing a few things stand out as highlights of the relationship. I had him watch "Poltergist" with me on Halloween. It was during this movie I relized that I really did like him and wanted to spend more time with him.

Another was a XBOX wrestling video game. The game allowed you to create a character that looked like you; Tyler did this for me. I was kind of insulted by how the character looked, to me she was a little fat (I don't think I ever told that to Tyler) but he liked it and I was amused by how hard he tried to get the character "just right" (and yes, I was that time).

There must be something about movies for Tyler and I, because we started watching the Star Wars series and it was during the movie that Tyler first held my hand. I really don't remember which episode it was, but to be honest I really wasn't paying attention to the movie.

Mark, Tyler's roommate, had a soccer game that he wanted us to come watch. Tyler and I drove to the game, but it was raining so hard that you couldn't see out to watch the game. But, that also meant no one could see in and, at the soccer fields where we first met, I got my first kiss from him.

He took me to Utah to spend Thanksgiving with him (being from back East, your often beholden to charity for holiday invites). I met his family and enjoyed the time with them. But it was upon our return home that made that trip so memorable. When he dropped me off he first told me he loved me. Of course I knew he did, how could he not :)

A few weeks later we seperated; me going back to Georgia for the semester while he remained in Idaho. I honestly enjoyed that time apart. It confirmed to both of us that we wanted to be together. (I did not enjoy having my tonsils burned out of me during that time, but it was the best diet I've ever had.)

I flew back at the end of April, 10 lbs lighter, and he picked me up in the SLC airport. I didn't have a cell phone and couldn't find him so I had to borrow and elderly couple's phone to call him. I don't have a great memory, but I have a very vivid memory of seeing him in the airport. He was wearing a bright blue shirt with blue shoes that matched horribly and I thought he looked so darn hot and was so excited to see him excited to see me!

A week or so back in Idaho we went out to the movies again (May 8, 2005). Actually it was a really bad movie this time, something about the Crusades. Well anyways, after the movie I was tired and ready to go to bed, but Tyler wanted to stay out a little longer. I agreed as long as we drove where ever we went. He took me up to the soccer fields and told me he loved me and wanted to spend forever with me (of course he did!) I agreed that I wanted to spend forever with him and we were engaged.

August 19, 2005 we were married in the Timpanogos Temple. Undoubtly this was the best decison I've ever made. Tyler is a great guy, a great father, and an absolutely amazing husband. I hate that I am away from him today, but I get to look forward to 50 more years, so one apart isn't the end of the world.