Dream Within a Dream

A Dream Within a Dream
Edgar Allan Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if Hope has flown away
In night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
On a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand -
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep - while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

My dad showed me this poem after we watched Inception. While I think the first stanza of this poem follows much more closely the theme of the movie (saying goodbye to a lover and how time spent with this person has been like a dream and how all life is like a dream) it is the second stanza that I love.

The grains of sand he is hold are like the past: things that we wish to hold on to forever but unfortunately cannot. Life is like this dream, we have experiences, that like the sand fall away from us, and we can never get them back. They vanish, just like the dreams we dream at night. And, in the morning all we are left with are the memories.

It is that thought that makes me think of so many good moments in my life. Life is full of those moments, those experiences, that you wish you could make last forever, yet can't. I want to experience as many of those moments as possible, those moments you don't want to let go of. And, though the dream ends, at least we are left with that wonderful memory.

I am lucky to have had so many already. I won't go back as far as childhood, though I must say my parents did a wonderful job of creating those moments that you just wish you could hold on to forever (the beach, soccer, forced-family-fun time...). Yet, I will look back over the past six years and remember those moments that seemed like the perfect dream.

The way I felt the day I married Tyler. It is amazing how little of the day I remember but how much I recall how I felt. I had never been happier (my jaw ached from smiling too much).

A day trip to Jackson Hole before Topher was born. It was an unplanned excursion but a lot of fun to drive up there with our friends and enjoy the day together. It was freezing cold (I think it was January in Wyoming...) and I got a cup of hot chocolate. Tyler got a cup of ice cream! He did say it was good but I had to share my drink with him.

The first time I saw little Topher. I can't say I want the experience of labor to last forever, but the experience you have after seeing your child for the first time is a moment that I wish I could have everyday. Looking at them and meeting them, discovering yourself in that little person is so fun. I was amazed Topher had any hair; I was expecting a bald baby. I couldn't stop playing with his soft blond hair all night. I was so amazed I held him all night, marveling that this beautiful boy was ours.

The amazement and pleasure of how many people came to Idaho to greet that little boy. Tyler's mother woke early that morning and drove up to see him (and us). Chris who suprised us later that day. My mother who flew across country to be with Topher (and us). And all of the extended family who came for the blessing of that little boy. No moment is worth holding onto without family being there, and we were so blessed to have so many people share that experience with us.

The moment Tyler accepted NCSU graduate school.

The moment I got my first job.

The spur of the moment decision to drive up the East coast to Maine to visit Tyler's family. Topher got to know his Thompson family and dub Pat "Blue Ice Cream Grandma" after she took him to Cold Stones.

The moment I discovered we were expecting again! We were eating pizza, picnic style in our living room when I shared with Tyler our news. The excitement I saw in his eyes when I got to tell him he would be a dad again was something I wish I could see everyday!

Madelyn Mae's birth and the love of family we experienced again. Though I was suprised when I had a chubby little brunette. I loved rubbing those soft cheeks our first night together. I don't believe I slept. My mom always said she would take advantage of someone else having the baby while in the hospital, I guess I am not that smart, becuase I really can't put down those sweet little bodies.

Tyler's graduation.

The trip out west and seeing Topher and Maddie play with their cousins.

Peter's wedding, but mostly the day before (no offense little bro) and the day where my family, that is all going different directions, enjoyed the day in eachother's company.

Finally believing (3 months in) that I am expecting again and enjoying the idea of meeting a new little person and welcoming them to our family.

There are thousands more moments that I wish I could relive, but while I'll never get to, I am so glad that I have been able to create those memories. Unlike Poe, I don't believe it is sad, if I can fill my life with moments that are worth holding on to, my life was dreamlike.

P.S. Tyler's "main goal for year 7 (of our marriage) is to find the last horcruxes so we can defeat Lord Voldemort once and for all." Wish us good luck as we are of to vanquish evil this year!